Excerpt from "Long Awaited". Tell me what you think:
The storm unleashed it's rage onto the village below, sending angry waves of rain pounding against there roofs, fearful drops of rain pounded like a gunshot against the road, and against a dark stranger who stood in a dark alley. If it weren't for the rain, you couldn't tell that he was there at all.
The alleyway was littered with two dead bodies and the streets were coloured red when young Karrio walked through the wettened streets, wrapped in a traveler's cloak. He was just bouncing along, trying to get to a Cantina to get out of the rain when he stepped on a broken sword with the point of the sword pointing towards the alleyway. Feeling a little apprehensive, he looked into the alley, then gasped when he saw the figure and the dead bodies. He backed away into the street when the figure advances towards him, fumbling at his belt with a small hunting knife, not really thinking that it wouldn't matter against this menacing figure. Right before he entered the streets, the figure stopped and cocked his head to the left side and then fled again into the alleyway. Karrio tried to peer into the alley, attempting to view where the figure went when he was temporarily blinded by a sudden lightning bolt.
When he gained his eye sight back, the figure was gone, and worse, there were incoming marching footsteps, which meant that they belonged to the Zenerah, Notorious for upkeeping the peace through brutual beatings. Karrio takes off in a silent but deadly run, in the opposite direction, not stopping until he was 3 blocks away. At last, he stopped to gain his breath, putting his damp hands to his side. He had no intention of remaining in the same spot when they came, for he knew they wouldn't believe him about the figure and they would take him to the Prison and "question" him, knowning their methods were harsh and very little survived the question period. He was suddenly aware that he wasn't alone in the alleyway and turns to find a single Zenerah watching him, with a mocking smirk and pointed to the lad's shoes. Curious and confused, he looked down and nearly fainted. His shoes were covered in the blood of the dead and worse, he left a trail of blood behind. He groaned and looked back up to watch the Zenerah take out a comlink, no doubtly calling for reinforcements.
Karrio groaned again but before he can take a step, he was suddenly blinded by a spotlight and heard a hum of a Zaser. No, several hums and several spotlights. He was like a caught deer in a trap. But luckily, this deer has better sense or so you would think. He fumbles with his hilt as more Zenerah arrive from the mouth at the alleyway and start to converge upon him, with their Blastswords drawn and aimed at him. Sweat profusely, he finally yanks out the knife and in one smooth move, flings it at the nearest Zenerah, hitting him in the chest, dropping him instantly. The hilt was lodged into the solar plexus, letting a nice river of red flow down. He then takes a running leap and grasps a hang down ladder and hoists himself up onto the bar as the Zenerahs were momentarily stunned at the kill. A single moment was all Karrio needed as he scrambled up the ladder and onto the roof, the rain letting up. Without waiting to see what they were doing, he runs and leaps onto the next roof, his arms moving like a windmill, steadying himself. He takes a moment to look behind him and nearly shits himself when 4 Zenerah had already climbed up the ladder. He was momentarily happy that they abandoned their swords but panic overtook him when he saw they take out HK 456, a heavy assault rifle. Now, he surmised, they won't shoot to injure, but instead, shoot to kill.
Suddenly, the black figure appeared in front of Karrio, throwing a frag grenede at the Zen, watching as the bodies were blown to pieces and flinging Karrio backwards, towards the edge of the roof. Karrio staggers to his feet and watches in horror as lights begin to appear as everyone is now looking towards the big bang, then he notices the black figure motioning for Karrio to follow and without waiting to see if he was, he jumps off the roof and vanishes into the night. Karrio cocks his head, trying to determine what the black figure wants and just stepped forward when a hissing sound is made behind him, and suddenly, blackness erupted.
